10 Mistakes Men Make in the First Week

The First Week Is Where Cases Are Won and Lost

Divorce attorneys will tell you: the mistakes men make in the first seven days cause more long-term damage than anything that happens in the courtroom months later. You're emotional. You're not thinking clearly. And every move you make is being watched — by her, by her attorney, and eventually by a judge.

Here are the ten biggest mistakes. Don't make them.

1. Moving Out of the House

This is the number one mistake men make. You're miserable, the tension is unbearable, and you think leaving will give you space to think. But in family court, voluntarily leaving the marital home can be interpreted as abandoning the family. It affects custody arguments and property division. Stay put unless there's a genuine safety concern.

2. Draining or Hiding Money

Panic makes guys do dumb things with money. Emptying the joint account, transferring funds, hiding cash — courts see all of it. Judges don't look kindly on financial games. There are smart, legal ways to protect yourself financially. Draining the checking account at 2 AM is not one of them. Read Protect Your Money Right Now for the right approach.

3. Venting on Social Media

That cryptic Instagram post. The Facebook rant. The tweet about how marriage is a scam. All of it is discoverable in court. All of it can be screenshot and handed to a judge. Delete nothing, post nothing. Go dark on social media for now. Your healing doesn't need an audience.

4. Bad-Mouthing Her to the Kids

Your kids are scared. They need stability, not information about what Mom did or didn't do. Talking trash about their mother — no matter how justified it feels — damages your kids and your custody case. Courts take parental alienation seriously. Take the high road even when it makes you want to scream. More on this in How to Tell Your Kids.

5. Signing Anything Without a Lawyer

She hands you a "fair" separation agreement. Her lawyer drafts something "simple." A mediator suggests you both just sign and move on. Stop. Do not sign a single legal document without your own attorney reviewing it. What looks reasonable on page one might gut you on page four.

6. Trying to "Win Her Back" with Grand Gestures

If the divorce conversation has happened, flooding her with flowers, love letters, or promises to change will not fix it. Worse, it can be framed as harassment or emotional manipulation if things get contentious. If reconciliation is on the table, that's a conversation for a couples therapist, not a midnight text marathon.

7. Telling Everyone You Know

You need support. But telling your entire friend group, her parents, your coworkers, and your barber in the first 72 hours is a mistake. Every person you tell is a potential witness, a potential gossip source, and a potential complication. Pick one or two trusted people. That's it for now.

8. Ignoring Your Mental Health

Guys love to power through. You'll sleep when it's over. You'll eat when you feel like it. You'll deal with the feelings later. Later comes fast, and it comes hard. The men who come out of divorce in one piece are the ones who got ahead of the emotional damage early. You don't have to love therapy, but you need something. A counselor, a support group, a structured outlet. Something. Check out How to Find a Therapist (That Doesn't Suck).

9. Making Huge Concessions to "Keep the Peace"

Guilt is a powerful weapon, and a lot of guys give away the farm in week one just to make the conflict stop. "She can have the house." "I don't need to see the kids every day." "I'll pay whatever she wants." These early verbal agreements have a way of becoming permanent arrangements. Don't negotiate from guilt. Don't agree to anything major until you've spoken with a lawyer.

10. Not Documenting Anything

If it's not written down, it didn't happen. Start a daily log. Note conversations, financial transactions, time with the kids, anything that might matter later. Save texts and emails. Screenshot important messages. You're building a paper trail that protects you, and the best time to start is right now.

The Bottom Line

You don't have to be perfect this week. You just have to avoid the big, irreversible mistakes. Stay in the house. Keep your mouth shut. Don't sign anything. Document everything. And get a lawyer on the phone.

That's it. That's the whole playbook for week one.