Breathe — Here's What to Do Right Now

You're in Shock. That's Normal.

Whether she told you, you found out on your own, or you're the one who finally said it out loud — your brain is scrambled right now. You might feel numb. You might feel like putting your fist through drywall. You might feel absolutely nothing.

All of that is normal. None of it is permanent.

But here's what matters: the decisions you make in the next 48 hours can shape the entire divorce. So before you do anything else, read this page. Then do exactly what it says.

The First 48-Hour Checklist

1. Do Not Leave the House

Seriously. Unless there's a safety issue, stay put. Moving out of the marital home can be used against you in custody and property disputes. It doesn't matter who's on the deed. If you leave voluntarily, you may be handing her a legal advantage.

If the situation is genuinely unsafe, go — but document everything and talk to a lawyer before you unpack a single bag somewhere else.

2. Do Not Touch the Money (Yet)

Don't drain the joint account. Don't cancel her credit cards. Don't move retirement funds. All of that can and will be used against you in court. There are smart financial moves to make, but panic-withdrawing cash isn't one of them. We cover this in detail in Protect Your Money Right Now.

3. Stop Talking

Don't vent to her family. Don't post on social media. Don't send long emotional texts or emails to your wife. Anything you say or write right now can become evidence. That includes texts, DMs, voicemails, and emails.

If you need to talk, call one trusted friend. One. Preferably someone who's been through it. Not someone who's going to stir the pot.

4. Start Documenting

Open a notes app or buy a cheap notebook. Start writing down everything. Dates, conversations, financial details you remember, anything related to the kids. You're building a record. You don't know what will matter later, so write it all down.

Include things like:

• Who primarily handles the kids' daily routines
• Account numbers and approximate balances
• Any threats, unusual behavior, or key conversations
• Your own daily involvement with the kids

5. Secure Your Digital Life

Change passwords on your personal email, cloud storage, and any accounts that are yours alone. Don't lock her out of shared accounts — that looks aggressive and a judge won't like it. But make sure your personal stuff is private.

If your phone backs up to a shared cloud account, fix that now.

6. Call a Lawyer (Even if You're Not Sure)

You don't have to hire one today. But a consultation — even a 30-minute paid one — gives you a lay of the land. Most divorce attorneys offer initial consultations, and that one conversation can save you from a six-figure mistake. Not sure if you need one? Read Do You Need a Lawyer Right Now?.

7. Take Care of Your Body

This sounds stupid when your life is falling apart. Do it anyway. Eat something. Drink water, not whiskey. Try to sleep even if you can't. Go for a walk. You are about to run a marathon, and you can't do it on empty.

What Not to Do

Don't start dating. Don't start drinking heavily. Don't bad-mouth her to the kids. Don't make any huge financial decisions. Don't sign anything she puts in front of you without a lawyer reading it first.

This is survival mode. You're not trying to win the war today. You're trying to not lose it before it even starts.

You're Going to Get Through This

Right now it doesn't feel that way. That's fine. You don't have to believe it yet. You just have to follow the checklist. One step at a time. The feelings will catch up later, and when they do, you'll be in a better position to handle them because you didn't blow up your life in the first 48 hours.

You've got this. Even if it doesn't feel like it.